Kid Rock knows his name is ridiculous, calls stage persona'the worst name in the world'

Kid Rock thinks his name is just as dumb as you do. In Esquire's May issue, which hits newsstands next Tuesday,Robert Ritchieadmits his stage persona is"the worst name in the world."

"The only person who had a dumber name than me was theFresh Prince{Will Smith}. Hey, it sounded like a cool rap name when I was 16,"the rocker says in his own defense."But it stuck, and now it's me. I'll be an 88-year-old man— 'Call me the Kid.'"

But at least he has something going for him that not everyone in Hollywood can claim:"I don't do hookers, man. I'm in a rock band."MaybeCharlie Sheenshould get himself some guitar lessons.

They're just so talented 

Jake andMaggie Gyllenhaalare quite the super-siblings, but their famous family can claim only a near-miss when it comes toPulitzers.ColumbiahistorianEric Foner— who took home a Pulitzer Prize this week for his book 'The Fiery Trial:Abraham Lincolnand American Slavery'— was their mom's first husband. A Barnard-educated screenwriter andAcademy Awardnominee,Naomi Gyllenhaalwas married to Foner before marrying her second ex-husband, filmmakerStephen Gyllenhaal. Still, in this family,Taylor Swiftwould be an underachiever— so it's just as well she and Jake broke up.

He's kind of a big deal 

Michael Jordan's memories pair well with dessert. The legend hit Lavo Thursday, and chatted at dinner withTrail BlazerspresidentLarry MillerandBobcatspresidentFred Whitfield. (M.J. owns the Bobcats.) RetiredNBAgreatDikembe Mutombojoined for cocktails and lingered with Jordan later, reminiscing 'about past victories,' says a source.

Brooke breaks a sweat 

Brooke Shields' bowling skills are solid, but her transit skills might need a little work. A source says the actress took Monday afternoon off to coordinate a small party at Bowlmor Lanes for a family friend's birthday party, andNYCtraffic almost made a gutter ball of the gathering.

En route to the lanes, Shields' cab got stuck in a construction zone, and she nervously called the alley to warn pals she was running late. She advised them to start the fun without her. When she finally arrived, we hear her two daughters met her with big hugs and kisses. They hit the glow-in-the-dark lanes, where Shields helped the youngest (Grier, who had just turned 5) use a ramp to roll the ball down the lane. Strike!

Calling Dr. Shields 

Celebrity photographerTyler Shields, who will unveil a painting entirely made of celebrity blood, including some from actorBrett London, on May 7 at the Poodle Parlor, tells us he did more than just paint with the plasma. 'Brett missed the doctor {hired to take samples} ... and I took a razor blade to his finger myself, and he gave me his blood that way.' Shields, who will star and direct in aCharles Mansonbiopic produced byBrad Wyman, admitted he's not 'certified' to draw blood, but once gave someone an intravenous line. Ouch.

Rose pulls no punches

Rose McGowan knows how to keep things exciting on the charity gala circuit, whether calling out fellow celebs or just making out with her boyfriend. In December, the 'Charmed' starlet enlivenedDavid Lynch's Change Begins Within benefit by saying 'most' of the guests were 'lying and drunk' if they claimed to do transcendental meditation. She was again in fun form at last week'sNew Yorkers for ChildrenSpring Dinner Dance. Joining socialites likeArden WohlandDerek Blasbergto support youth in foster care, McGowan and boyfriendRob Adamswere cuddly and kissing throughout the party at theMandarin Oriental Hotel. 'She was dirty dancing with Selita {Ebanks} and Kerry {Washington} and he was playing along,' an insider tells us.

Contact Gatecrasher:
Frank DiGiacomo:fdigiacomo@nydailynews.com
Carson Griffith:cgriffith@nydailynews.com
Molly Fischer:mfischer@nydailynews.com

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